Codependency: Feeding the Addiction Together
If addiction were a game, codependency would be a key player. Although you may think you are helping your addicted loved one, you may be making the addiction problem even bigger and that can be counterproductive. Your addicted loved one may begin to justify their behavior. Aside from your loved one’s distorted thinking, you feel needed and so the cycle continues until something happens and it may not be good.
How do we know if we are adding to the problem rather than helping the situation? Here are a few ways to identify if you are the MVP in your loved one’s addiction.
You Always Come to the Rescue
Getting your loved one out of a bind every time they get themselves in trouble may seem like the right thing to do and your duty as their partner, but this doesn’t do your loved one a service. Why should he or she stop using drugs or alcohol if you will always bail them out of trouble? As cruel as it may seem, they need to learn to get themselves out of their messes, even if that means sweating it out in jail or having to deal with legal issues. You taking responsibility for their actions may give you purpose in the relationship, but it also gives them the green light to continue in this self-destructive behavior.
Always Putting Yourself Last
You tend to cater to your loved one’s needs, protect them and make them your entire world. You may feel that you are being kind and nurturing, but what about your needs and wants? As you focus all your attention and put all your energy on them, you neglect yourself, which may breed resentment. This can also lead to losing your self-worth, sense of self and can lower your self-esteem.
Going to Great Lengths to Keep the Relationship
In any relationship, you do things to keep it functional and healthy, even if it is out of your comfort zone. You may feel obligated to do some things, like ignoring your loved one’s substance problem, making excuses for their behavior or lying for your partner. It’s important to know that these things won’t help. You shouldn’t have to do things you don’t want to do just to hold onto the relationship.
You may be in tune with your partner’s feelings and thoughts, but that can cause trouble if you can’t separate yours from theirs. You may be so wrapped up in your partner that you begin to lose yourself and will be enmeshed. Without your partner’s influence, you may have trouble making your own decisions and realizing your own feelings.
Just because you are not doing drugs doesn’t mean that you don’t need help. Your codependent behavior fuels the problem and requires professional help to break the cycle. At Recovery Connection, admission counselors can find help for your loved one with their addiction and also for your codependency. You and your addicted loved one will be linked with the best rehab programs that offer family programs to address issues like codependency. This ensures that your loved one will have a stable and healthy home to come back to when they are done with treatment. Call Recovery Connection now at 866-812-8231 and begin healing together.